Lip Gloss

I love lip gloss. I am not alone. I have friends that have way more than I do and that is good for me since I need to know where I can go when I'm in need and not near my stash. Its one of those items I pick up and hold while I shop and then before I leave I have to talk myself out of buying it because there is no way I can use what I have before it expires. You say, "it expires?" Yes and it's really nasty when it does. The sad thing about it is that I put it on but then eat it off and then forget to reapply. Even now I am in need of some chap relief. I think one of my favorite lipsticks is the Burts Bees brand. I love the mint and it's cheap - I also love the Aveda but it ain't cheap. Another great brand is Blistex Silk & Shine http://www.blistex.com/Silk%20&%20Shine.htm. Love the web pages for Burts and Blistex

I even have my own lip gloss applicator. I know the video is lopsided but I'm an amateur so whatever.

Callaway = Happiness

Went to the Callaway Gardens this weekend to ride bikes around and have a little lunch. We spent some time feeding the fish (yum yum gimee some) and checking out the flowers. This little guy Newbert said hello and was so warm in the sun that he didn't run away. We picked up some awesome sandwiches from a cute little place named Sages Soda Fountain at Pine Mountain. Great chicken salad in a pita.

Its a beautiful place and we both feel like 8 years old riding around on coaster bikes taking in the beautiful scenery and fresh air. I had a crazy song stuck in my head that Amelie planted, "Cheater, Cheater, where'd you git that white trash whore?" I amped up my twang and just about pushed Bentley to the breaking point. What? I couldn't get it outta my head. So I tried to divert my attention with Prince songs and then we passed the chapel where there was an organ show and started my limited knowledge of gospel. "one day at a time sweet jesus" & "Ohh Happy Day" Then I got the feeling I should observe in quiet. Some people just don't appreciate natural, raw talent.

On the drive home I read an article to Bentley about the benefits of yoga to cope with stress. He of course recognized all the big words about PNS and SNS that I didn't and it left an impression. When we got home we did some poses and he was very surprised how difficult it can be. I have not been doing much of anything good for my body for months and we both felt better afterwards. We started out simple and I tried to teach him how to be in the moment, feel the stretch and breathe. I think the article showed how we don't handle stress well and the different nervous systems can be adjusted by putting ourselves in poses and adapting our reaction instead of "fight or flight". Stress is evil.

Speaking of evil, I went into an art gallery in the little town of Pine Mountain and there was a beautiful quilt there but it was $750 big ones - YIKES. I think its evil for there to be a quilt that is handmade that has colors and design in it that makes me swoon and I can't have it. Ok - I'm over it. It really was a piece of art so I'm ok with the price, its just ouch I didn't want to leave it behind. Just not practical since its more than my rent.

Which reminds me - I've got to pay my bills. Sunday nights suck.

Concerts Rock

Some concerts make you feel like you got in Willy Wonka's glass elevator. Then when the voice is gone and the ears are ringing you get dropped in a parking lot with a t-shirt and don't remember how you got there.

Went see her with a friend. We had a big ole margarita and some Mexican to get ready. It has been years since I've been to a concert. I wanna say Prince was my last one. I had a good time and like her music and depth but Prince is hard to beat. I also went to see Chris Isaak years ago and I wore a white sun dress in hopes that he would fall in love at first sight and we would marry that night. I say, be prepared, but instead I just confirmed my love and bought a tank top for him to sign, "Bad bad girl". He is even better in real life and I'd say Alanis is too. Wow that was a funny memory of a concert - its called Delusion or maybe just Fantasy. Either way I love you Chris.

Back to Alanis, great show and great hair. Her voice is truly a musical instrument and her base player is smokin. There were times we wished that the angry followers would stop singing and let us hear HER sing her songs but of course there were a few that we went hoarse to ourselves, such as "You Oughta Know". It was a really good release to sing, scream and laugh that loud. It does the body good.

The Memorial

Bebe's memorial went really good. It was a beautiful day and just the kind of day she loved. Autumn happens to be her favorite time of year. We put together a fall flower arrangement and had just enough flowers/plants delivered to make a nice presentation with her pictures and urn. Bentley and I put together a slide show and music and it all felt just right. The service was simple and casual and was held at the chapel of the orphanage she was raised at. The land was beautiful. The Pastor from Hospice did the MC and eulogy and we were pleased with how that went.

Bentley actually got up and shared several things his mother taught him and did an incredible job. I was not only impressed with how sound and clear he was in expressing himself but how he was able to talk without losing it. It was the last sentense that I felt go through me – "I loved her and I will miss her". There was just a little catch in his voice and I was biting my lip. A fellow orphan stood and shared how funny Bebe was and a man that as a boy grew up down the street, shared how much he enjoyed dinner at their house.

We both wanted it to be a day of happy memories and he even picked a version of Amazing Grace that was uplifting. There were things I wanted to say but after listening to him I knew it would make me cry to talk and I didn’t want to break the mood.

He talked about she found a wallet with @ 1K in it and the first thing she did was find the identification card and call to return it. She taught him that lying is too much work and its impossible to keep up with everything you lied about so its better to just tell the truth. She used humor and taught him that it will get you through the toughest situations. The next to the last slide has a picture of Bentley’s backyard and I added that his backyard was a place of peace for her. He told everyone to remember that picture because she cleared the land and worked hard to make it look like that. They would ask her at her chemo treatments if she felt tired and she would tell them that she was a little since she couldn’t clear as much land as usual.

I later told him in the car since it was only important to me that he know how I felt about his mother. But I’ll share it here to as my little tribute to Bebe:

“I met her a few times last year but we quickly bonded while I stayed with Bentley in the hospital back in March. We talked for hours everyday and of course it was about his condition but we also exchanged stories and got to know each other. She trusted me to take care of him and I trusted her to take care of the 2 things he cared most about, herself and Coco.

After bringing Bentley home from the hospital, Bebe had a stroke and later an allergic reaction to a treatment. I spent more and more time at Bentley’s house to help take care of her. I feel honored that she allowed me to be with her at the end of her life.

She taught me a lot in a short period of time about Life and Death. She taught me a lot about Bentley and what kind of man he is. I learned a lot about myself and what it means to be a strong woman. When I think of her, she will remind me that the simple pleasures like working in the yard, reading a book and telling stories over hot wings can bring happiness and peace even in difficult times.

I wish I had known her under different circumstances but I am thankful for the time I had with her.”

Bentley’s nephew came and brought his sweet little girl. That was very special and I was glad to meet them. We had a few friends & colleagues come and afterwards we spent some time outside enjoying the view, catching up and laughing. We were really proud of the service and felt it was just like she would have wanted because everyone left with a smile.

Bebe would have been 76 today.

Today was a tough day for Bentley. It was his first day back at work and it was the day he had scheduled off to spend with his mother. He planned to spend the day with her because he thought it would be her last birthday. He called today and told me how surreal it is that she is gone. It has been hard for him to be home alone. She lived at his house for about 3 years and he feels lost. Both of his parents and the brother he was close to are gone. It can't help but make you think about your own family and want to squeeze them and not let go.

I made a big calendar to post on the wall for Bebe that had who would be coming to visit her and events so she could keep up with the days. I had her birthday in big letters and the hospice nurse told her she would bring her a cake and Bebe told her, "I won't be here for my birthday". I know people have a sixth sense about it sometimes.

I love this picture of Bebe. This was the epitome of a good day to work in the yard with Coco by her side.

Eight Years Old

My favorite person in the world is 8 years old today. I left her a message to call me and remind me what it's like to be 8. I had a call come in and she said, "Who would you like to speak with?" I said, "Page please". She said, "Just a moment". Then Page was on the phone and she said, "Hello, did you speak with my operator?" Then she whispered, "it was me tee hee". That was really all I needed to remind me what it was like to be 8.

Cardiologist

Believe it or not, the same day Bebe died, Bentley and I went to his cardiologist appointment.

We were able to rest for a couple of hours and agreed that he should still go. She would want him to and we have waited too long already. So, again in a haze of adrenaline and denial we drove to the city and walked and talked like nothing changed. Both knowing that the slightest thing could put a hole in our facade. We were determined to keep it together and concentrate on his heart. Once again a doctor saying to us, "In most cases there is no need to worry. We'll do follow up but most likely its nothing yadda yadda yadda". Then he listens to Bentley's heart and everything changes to "I know the best surgeon and its amazing what can been done to make your heart perfect". The fact that Bentley has minimum symptoms throws them off. I point out the obvious: its hard for him to know if he has shortness of breath because he is constantly under stress and anxiety and how would one tell those apart.

He had some tests done and goes back in November for more tests. Then I guess we'll find out the next steps. We got through the day and got back home. Our "NORM" is not good right now. There is never the time to deal with one thing at a time. Bentley has had so much on him for the past 3 years and this year has been in hyperdrive. He needs time to mourn his mother but I fear he will busy his mind and stuff it all down behind the list of things to do with her memorial and loose ends and then move to the stress of what the tests will show. When will he mourn his brother and mother? I don't know.