Done

Mom is done with all of this. She has felt horrible for over 6 months now and has decided to stop treatment. I am relieved and hopeful she will feel better by the weekend. I am so glad the PICC Line is gone - that thing made me nervous. I think she made the best decision and I know we are all ready for her to really recover. It's emotional for us all b/c its been too much for her and its horrible for all of us that love her to witness and have so little we can do to help. It's beyond words. Words are too simple for the feelings felt when someone you love has had cancer and gone through so much to get rid of it and even when everything is good to be left with the worry that all cancer survivors (and their family & friends) feel. Today she moves in the right direction and tomorrow will be a better day.

Listening: to the dishwasher running
Feeling: Excited mom will be better during my next visit and we can do something fun with Page.
Need: to sleep - we'll see
Thinking: I have no idea what I'm wearing tomorrow and I wish it were PJ's
Enjoying:American Idol - its good this year
Wondering: Why I extend myself to certain people... again. Its like I can't help it and then I regret it. At times I am cold and it is easy to maintain a distance - then others I forget and allow myself to be open and friendly - the battle begins. Its hard to fight yourself but you have to come to terms that not everyone deserves to be apart of your life, more specific your real life. Stop wasting your energy and save it for those that matter. Deep, yes I know. One of my friends told me I am generous and should never change and i appreciate that but we agree it should be limited to people that appreciate it and ARE STABLE. It's also interesting the filters you forget about and how there are times removing them is needed like when someone crosses the line or is insulting. I'm installing a quick release button on my filters so watch out.
Hoping: The book I just started will be really good b/c its HUGE
Internet Finds: Nothing - there was nothing found today.

I'm Back

I thought I would want to just write to myself and then I didn't even want to do that. Forget about the word for the year. That is a joke - last year was boundaries and I completely lost all of mine with work so I'm over it.

2012: So far I turned 40 and celebrated 5 years with Bentley. My mom had some time to recover from radiation and just started her treatment. I have slowed my roll at work a little even though I did have a trip that was bad enough I was scared to leave my room. My cousin has gotten a cool job, signed on an apartment and is well on his way in joining his woman in ATL. I've had a few trips home and my bud Raph is in town. I'm not going into last year. Forgetaboutit.

I think I'll keep doing some of the category things until I have more to share:

Listening: I am trying to listen to the music Raph gave me to load on my ITunes and its been so long I don't remember how to download it.
Eating: Not eating but had manicotti and it was good but heavy
Feeling: Frustrated and upset that my mom feels like crap
Need: An ITunes refresher
Thinking: TV is stupid
Enjoying: My new watch - Raph got me a gray ICE watch - its very cool.
Wondering: How long will I last this time in writing in this thing
Internet Finds: When I start to feel like my lil apartment gets too big I'll be moving into a container house: http://www.poteetarchitects.com/containerguesthouse/15.html