Speechless

Last week was one that consumed all of my energy and left me with nothing by the end of the day/week. I was still suffering with a pain deep in my abdomen and everything at work was beyond crazy. I did go to the doctor but of course who knows and we are waiting on blood test that will probably not show anything wrong. It has gotten better and its probably just a stress symptom. So last Monday night at Toastmasters I agreed to do a speech. Little did I know, the week would be insane and today is the first day I've really thought about it. The meeting is tomorrow night. So yes, I'm a little pressed and here I am procrastinating writing on this thing instead of writing my speech. I am a world class procrastinator and I'll admit some of it is a strategy instead of just laziness. I've noticed sometimes when I'm procrastinating it's because something in my subconscious is telling me that I don't need to do it because its a waste of time or not important. Priorities change and all the work you did turns out to be for nothing. Sometimes... not always procrastinating is good. I procrastinate in many small ways too - like getting out of bed at the last possible moment and rushing for work so that if one little thing goes wrong, I'm late. That is one the ways I hate that I procrastinate. Amelie was telling recently how she gets up at 4 and sits down to have breakfast and she is up over 2 hours before she leaves for work. WOW i have always wished to be a morning person but not enough to force myself to get up and therefore I'm just not one.

So back to procrastination. I can honestly say I have not procrastinated up until this point on this speech but now I'm starting to think and I'm overwhelmed and its just not fun like it should be. I did just agree on the topic and that is a starting point. In a way I work good under pressure but this is a little ridiculous. The topic/title is "Do what you love and the money will follow". I am working on Get To The Point. This speech will be (hopefully) inspirational. I am going to talk about authors that have inspired me and how I strive to have more creative time. I really believe that if you do things you love, and open yourself to the possibilities, you can find a way to make money doing what you love. I haven't completely figured it out. I have to admit that I do love many parts of my current job and feel good about my contribution. I do have the opportunity to be creative some times. I also think that doing other creative things on the side is good because sometimes if you become dependant on making money at the creative things you like it can ruin it for you so there has to be a balance.

My brother is an artist and I'm very thankful that he has a 9-5 job and he seems to like his J-O-B and learns a lot but its not his passion for art, performance or music. Its a way to be safe and maintain your family finances, and I think there are opportunities to make some extra money doing the side passions. I am working hard to keep my job and learn as much as I can and I admit I have not made much time for creativity. The Toastmaster's adventure itself is an avenue I'm on to learn and try something new that could contribute to me doing what I love. I want to get more art into it and something about springtime really does make me what to spread my wings a little. I am going to work hard to manage my stress better and make more time for the creative expressions I need. So even typing this now has turned from procrastination into me thinking through some of my speech. Now off to type the real thing.

Spring Break

We went to Callaway to take Page for a picnic and bike ride. Thank goodness for the trailer bike. She loved it and I bet its the fastest she has ever been on a bike. I was relieved when Bentley didn't have a heart attack pulling her around for hours. She spent most of her time admiring nature and telling him to go faster. It was a beautiful day and we all had a blast - of course we were exhausted when it was time to go home. Page and I went to the Aqurium again - she will remember this trip much better than the last one. We painted pottery and watched many many movies, read books and she even went with me to my dermatogolist appointment where she pointed out a mole to ensure he saw them all. When they asked her if it was weird she said, "No, I see her naked" and just went back to her game.

Page is a photographer and was given her own digital camera which of course is pink. Callaway was a great place for her to collect some moments.

Bentle got to meet this part of my family for the first time when we headed over to the French bakery nearby. It's one of my favorite places and I was glad to share it. Kurt and Leah started their "adult" trip and we took Page to practice her skating. Bentley later told me its when he fell in love with her. She made us laugh so hard it was hard not to pee and we were both in tears. She was working so hard her heart felt like a rabbits when a wolf appears. I know because at one point I had to hold her while Bentley fixed her skate. She made huge improvements in the small amount of time we were at the trail.

I was very excited to have Page come and visit during her spring break. My lil brother and sister-in-law came down and spent the night on their way to Florida and dropped Page off. We did lots of fun stuff and just being together is fun enough for me. My lil apartment was stretched but we all fit and slept just fine.

it's been so long I almost forgot my password

So I had all these entries and just lost interest in them...delete. Love that key. I am just going to start today and enter whatever pops in my head before I head out. Back to my word for the year : Grateful. I am grateful that I survived another drive home without incident. I am grateful that I got positive news about my mom's cancer and even though waiting is crazy, I'd rather wait because everything is good instead of action which would be heading into a treatment schedule. I am grateful that biscuit does not have downs and is growing and laughing and helping my dear friend come into her own as a stay at home mom. I am grateful that my boyfriend cooked dinner tonight and is napping because he needs some zzzzs. I am grateful that I had lots of time with my niece, my family and that my boyfriend got to meet more of them. I am grateful that all my laundry is done. I am grateful for the beautiful weather we had today and that spring is coming in more and more each day. I hate to admit it here but I'm grateful for white tank tops and t-shirts since they are my favorite and I have them on now (what's better than 1 white t-shirt? getting to wear 2 at the same time). I am grateful for a massage I got over the weekend even though my back is sore from it. I am grateful that my stomach stops hurting when I lay down even though I'm not sure why it hurts or what I'm going to do tomorrow if it hurts while I'm at work. Maybe I'll just sneak over to the other building that has a sofa in the locker room and lay down - Ok now I'm grateful for the sofa in the locker room. I'm grateful that I have no meetings tomorrow. I am grateful that everyone in my family can get back to a normal routine even if we will all think about cancer each day. I am grateful we are here to think about it. Good Night.