Cardiologist

Believe it or not, the same day Bebe died, Bentley and I went to his cardiologist appointment.

We were able to rest for a couple of hours and agreed that he should still go. She would want him to and we have waited too long already. So, again in a haze of adrenaline and denial we drove to the city and walked and talked like nothing changed. Both knowing that the slightest thing could put a hole in our facade. We were determined to keep it together and concentrate on his heart. Once again a doctor saying to us, "In most cases there is no need to worry. We'll do follow up but most likely its nothing yadda yadda yadda". Then he listens to Bentley's heart and everything changes to "I know the best surgeon and its amazing what can been done to make your heart perfect". The fact that Bentley has minimum symptoms throws them off. I point out the obvious: its hard for him to know if he has shortness of breath because he is constantly under stress and anxiety and how would one tell those apart.

He had some tests done and goes back in November for more tests. Then I guess we'll find out the next steps. We got through the day and got back home. Our "NORM" is not good right now. There is never the time to deal with one thing at a time. Bentley has had so much on him for the past 3 years and this year has been in hyperdrive. He needs time to mourn his mother but I fear he will busy his mind and stuff it all down behind the list of things to do with her memorial and loose ends and then move to the stress of what the tests will show. When will he mourn his brother and mother? I don't know.