Hello 2011

I'm back. Whew!
Was I on a sabbatical? Traveling around India and Nepal learning a new language? No. It was more like burn out - extra crispy. I will provide an executive summary:

There was stress. There were too many losses of people I love. There were visible projects. There was a fun beach trip. There was heart surgery that was successful and after the surgery there was a dark, cool, hotel room with clean, soft, white sheets and a small container of Ben & Jerry's along with some of the best sleep EVER and in the morning I was greeted by the guy in the picture. There were 4 consecutive weeks of intense travel. Recovery, depression, holiday breaks and a cold.

As for the 2010 word Present. It should have been Survive. The 2011 word is Boundaries. I'm getting more of them so don't be offended if my response to everything is NO. Once I have time to think I may come around depending on what it is but No. See and you doubted this word thing works.

To break myself back into blogging slow I think this is a good start (courtesy of : Hello Again)

Listening: Back to December (Taylor Swift)
Eating: Nothing right now but had Sushi for dinner
Drinking: Water
Wearing: PJ's
Feeling: Tired but it's time for bed so that is good
Weather: Cold
Need: Sleep and face moisturizer
Thinking: Wow I forgot to put it on after washing my face and I think I'm cracking
Enjoying: Laptop my mom gave me
Wondering: When my neighbors below me will move the !@#$ out and hoping the 2,000 lb gorilla with loud wind chimes (me) motivates them. Cough, Cough. See, I'm getting a smoker's cough.
Internet Find: Learn Something New Everyday: http://cargocollective.com/learnsomethingeveryday

You know the hardest thing is to get started. Check.

Are you ready for some football? Or just Superbowl Snacks

I like football ok but I love football food. I found a recipe book that Bentley's brother Bill contributed to so I was following some recipes from it. Even though they are basic things it's good to have a recipe to ensure it turns out good. It's strange that I've eaten a ton of 7 layer dip and at least 2 tons of deviled eggs in my life yet I've never made them. I would say best part was the beans with jalapenos and the ranch dressing packet added to the sour cream. We both hate raw tomatoes so I used green bell peppers instead.

Yep - the finished product was pretty good and we ate and drank beer until our belly's looked like ticks. I was dead after painting so I was really happy about how easy the eggs and dip were. I even found a new use for the melon scooper thingy. Bentley went to Taco Mac and picked up some wings and I found some paper plates. The WHO were awesome. No matter who wins this is looking like a pretty good Superbowl to me. I think I'll go and get some more...

Snow Love

This little girl love snow. She recently received enough to push her to her limit. She called me yesterday 5 times. I didn't hear my phone with all the painting and cleaning and she made it pretty clear on the voicemail that it was unacceptable.

Today we have talked 3 times and at one point she was trying to get me to listen to the show she was watching so we could laugh together.

Yes that is bored. I, on the other hand, am not bored so I was forced to hang up and get back to work.

Butter Cookie to the Rescue...

Painting continues... The hallway looks a lot different now that the dark brown is gone. It is such a dark house due to the lack windows and multitude of trees. We are lovin the new color. We struggled because the previous owners were trying to make the walls look like "leather". I was exhausted from just sanding the walls and even though it helped there is still a bit of "texture". There are still some touch ups to be made but we are happy with the progress.

This hallway makes me think of Alice in Wonderland because you don't know which door is going to take you where. I saw the previews for the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland and I can't wait to see that in the theater. I think Tim and Johnny Depp are a great team and I love everything they do together.

http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/aliceinwonderland/?cmp=dmov_dpic_aaw_psy_cast_alice%2Bin%2Bwonderland

This is the small back hallway that we use to call the rock climbing hall because there were over 60 screws with wall anchors in that wall alone. I had a vision of the little animals that live in the walls coming out at night and doing their rock climbing and repelling.

I have no idea what they were hanging. But there was a lot of it.

Here is the other light that kind of matches the foyer and it's that neat heavy glass with some lilies in the design. It's hard to tell in the picture but now that the base is painted and its been cleaned we really like it.

I'm dead tire and even my finger nails hurt.

FIRE

I love a good fire. Bentley and I went to a bon fire at Ray's a couple of months ago and it was a nice beginning to the fire season. We got a bunch of fire wood and Bentley has been burnin', burnin', burnin. It's been too wet this year to burn in the burn pile outside, which I'm happy about since it keeps the use of the chainsaw to a minimum. Whew.

When I think of fire and fire places I have different memories come to mind. Sitting in front the fireplace at Gigi's in a little trance while the grown ups got caught up. Bebe looking like a witch doctor with the burn pile shooting flames higher than her stance and her white hair swirling around. The candles my brother and I would light when my parents made spaghetti and the excitement to blow them out. Defrosting a lost pup at my grandma's house one night when it snowed and the pup had ice cubes in his fur. Once we got him cleaned up she let me sleep with him in front of the fire place that night.

When I say we've been burning, you might even be able to see the magazine rack from the bathroom that we threw in there.

2010 Word

Last year the word came easy to me and it was Grateful. I have never been one to do new year resolutions and it would be depressing to start but I do like having a word or phrase that I focus on during the year. It's kind of a mantra/motto and reminds me of what I want to improve on in a simple and direct way.

It has taken me a while to find the right word for this year and even longer to share it here. I spent some time on my B-day thinking about year 37 and what I want in 38. My word is Present. There are a couple of reasons why.

Last year I was really busy with work and had a lot of new challenges that were, well, challenges but good ones. After dealing with so much illness and death the year before it was nice to be really focused at work. The problem is when you are still not taking care of yourself because you are allowing yourself to be too busy to think or plan or prioritize its the same result: exhaustion, survival mode, lack of personal goals and crashing during down time. I want to be more present because I want to be forced to recognize when I'm allowing work to be too much or I'm eating junk or I'm spending too much time staring at the tv. I want to work smarter instead of faster. I want to slow down and be more balanced with spending time doing things I want instead of the long list of things I think I have to do first before I take a walk, get groceries, read a book, hang out with friends, etc.

I see where I made excuses for myself and I want to make better choices. In order to do that I think I have to be present... more often. Slow down and feel, breathe and sink into the moment. Enjoy what is going on no matter what it is and give each facet my full attention. Even taking a shower - stop thinking about 100 things I need to do when I get to the office and instead think - WOW this shampoo smells yummy and YEAH this hot water feels good and there is nothing better than how the heat vent pours over my robe that has been washed 2,000 times and even though I'm not a morning person I want to be there in that moment.

I also want to improve on being present when I listen. I come from a lot of fast talking, faster thinking and dramatic females. It was the norm to interrupt each other and it really isn't to be rude but just pure excitement in the conversation and the worry that if you don't get it out you will forget. We also have a bit of dementia in the family history too.

I want to stop that and be more giving and present with the people that I have dialogue with. Give more full attention and not drift off into other thoughts or lists. Allow all of my conveyors the floor without me saying a word until they have completed their thought. I will be more present of my behaviour and be a recipient.

Another reason I like the word is because of that saying "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why we call it the present." I hope keeping this word in the front of my mind will help me to appreciate the value of each day.

Something you might find fun if you too like to pick a word each year : Click here for your 2010 Word of the Year Worksheet. I went through this worksheet with Bentley and his word this year is Action.

To truly be present right now I'd have to share with you that Coco just farted and I think he ate a dead squirrel because I am about to dry heave. Thanks Coco for adding to the moment.

One Space At A Time

Bentley and I are in the process of painting the inside of his entire house and doing small upgrades/remodeling. He has lived here a while but has not changed anything for many reasons: caretaker for Bebe; which lead to limited $, time, motivation, energy, etc. Now he is like a machine and is we are going space by space to do what is reasonable with the limitations we have: limited $, time, energy, etc.

This is the foyer and we didn't think to take before pictures until we had already removed a ton of weird molding, applique, and hooks. But you can get an idea.

Before



After. I love the light. Before it had a gold base and he painted it a dark brown/black. The glass is super heavy so here is your warning when you walk in to wear a hard hat just in case we didn't reattach it properly.

The color is Butter Cookie. It's hard to see in a picture but it's a warm yellow and you can see hint of peach. We love it and are going to paint the foyer, hallways, and living room this color.


I won't go into the mix of style and taste the original owners had. It's not that it's an ugly chandelier but it's a ranch house and this is just one of 3 chandeliers in the house. Let me know if you want them because they are free.





We replaced them and this is what the hallway got. Cheap and simple. We both lean toward the arts and crafts style and will be mixing it with other styles here and there. It's already a big difference and now he is really motivated to keep going.




The flip side to these projects is something difficult so we are taking that part slow. We started with the bathroom his mom used for the 3+ years she lived with him. We have painted it Ripe Wheat but haven't finished putting up the mirror and just finished mopping so I don't have pictures yet for that. Painting and cleaning is the easy part. The hard part is going through Bebe's things. It has been over a year and he has not been ready and I have not pushed at all. Now that we are working on the house, it has to be done. I started it and told him I would just throw out what was obvious and leave a basket for him to sort.

I had no problems with the colostomy bag supplies but then I opened a small box with her handkerchief and make-up and all I could do was sob. Of course Bentley hears me and thinks I have cut myself on something or... something and is almost yelling, "What's wrong with you!!" When I could finally talk he just sulked off - "That's why I don't want to do this!!!". When it was his turn and he did good. There are still 2 rooms that have her things in them and we'll get to them eventually. The plan is to do the same again. Sort and keep what he wants to keep now. I remind him we can box it all up and he can let more of it go later or never. She didn't have many things and left most of her possessions at her old house with her other son.

It's hard when you are making changes and cleaning out but throw this on top of it and it's even more emotional. Like I said, we are taking it one space at a time and at this pace we'll have the whole house done just in time for spring.