No not that bad C word - the other bad C word. For some of you everything requires an explanation.OK getting on with it. Cancer. Sucks. I first felt it when I was a kid and another kid friend of mine did not survive leukemia. Cancer was around but then when I was around 14/15 I became friends with a girl that was 18 at the time but had breast cancer at 14 and she survived until she was in her 30's. More time went by and there were others but my Aunt B was the first in my family to be diagnosed and we were all kind of stunned. My boyfriends mom had colon cancer and passed away last year and caused cancer became a lot more real to me and honestly cancer pisses me off.
This year my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma and in many ways it's still doesn't seem real to me. I want to keep it that way so please feel free to skip all the examples of people that you know that had lymphoma and their experience good or bad. I do the same thing but it gets really old after a while. My mom has done great to warn people off sharing too much it's all too overwhelming and usually negative. I go looking for encouragement some times but people are crazy with all that - my sister's, best-friend's, aunt had lymphoma and yadda yadda yadda. Get a life.
This is the first time I've heard about someone with cancer not having to have surgery and treatments and I again want to keep it that way. Mom is having to learn to not only survive cancer but to live with it in her body for the rest of her life. It's never going to go away but it seems to be in a state of silence.
Instead of torturing her without much results they have found that in many cases a person with her TYPE of lymphoma can live their normal life span without treatment. It's all very weird to me but her numbers and exams are supporting that she is stable. And so we all just keep going forward and let it slide away from the front of our minds and at least for me, I am just hoping that if we don't give it too much attention it will just stay still and quiet and leave us all alone. I know it doesn't slide away from my mom's mind so I hope she will talk about it whenever she wants and not avoid it because no matter how good bad or ugly cancer is we can all handle it and as long as it plays nice, we'll play nice but if it starts to get ugly we will get ugly right back - my daddy taught me that and it really does come in handy.
If the worst fear is fear it's self then just decide that you can kick anyone or things azz that gets in your way and it's funny how brave/stupid you can be. You can quote me on that.
So yeah I was just with my mom over the holiday and we had a great time even though there were those moments of missing I.T. and it makes me crazy to think of the hole that will be through my heart, body and mind... no not even going to think about it. I know my mom reads my blog and so maybe its good mom that you realize I think of your cancer more than we talk about it and I will help you kick it's azz if we ever have to fight. For now we will all (that means daddy, douglas, etc) become more aware of our health and the need to cherish each day and that we are either adding to our life or taking away with from it.
Yes I feel self righteous right now because I just had one of my green drinks and they make me feel like I'm a healthy person even though I am not.
Some inspriration has come to mind: Here is a post I came across a few years ago: http://www.crazysexycancer.com/
Here is a book I just bought and will share with any of my friends/family that are interested when I'm done (I will screen it) : http://carolynrubenstein.com/
What I like about the book so far is it is full of survivors and most of them are young and something I think the young have going for them is that it never really occurs to them that they will ever die so they just keep going. Why do we have to get dumb as we age?
So yeah my early post which is old is saying how I'm in a funk, ill, stressed and not in the mood to be all happy happy - here are some good pictures of fun. I have a lot of stuff going on inside this melon and my mom's cancer is one of the many things swirling around making my eye twitch.
And don't pressure me to write in this thing, if I'm not in the right mood almost anything could come out and once its on the internet you can't take it back. You know that saying, If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. We'll that is boring but I'm trying to keep all the filters in their place.
When one of my other personalities make it out, there will be something lighter and uplifting to read. Until then...
Posts
