Speechless

Last week was one that consumed all of my energy and left me with nothing by the end of the day/week. I was still suffering with a pain deep in my abdomen and everything at work was beyond crazy. I did go to the doctor but of course who knows and we are waiting on blood test that will probably not show anything wrong. It has gotten better and its probably just a stress symptom. So last Monday night at Toastmasters I agreed to do a speech. Little did I know, the week would be insane and today is the first day I've really thought about it. The meeting is tomorrow night. So yes, I'm a little pressed and here I am procrastinating writing on this thing instead of writing my speech. I am a world class procrastinator and I'll admit some of it is a strategy instead of just laziness. I've noticed sometimes when I'm procrastinating it's because something in my subconscious is telling me that I don't need to do it because its a waste of time or not important. Priorities change and all the work you did turns out to be for nothing. Sometimes... not always procrastinating is good. I procrastinate in many small ways too - like getting out of bed at the last possible moment and rushing for work so that if one little thing goes wrong, I'm late. That is one the ways I hate that I procrastinate. Amelie was telling recently how she gets up at 4 and sits down to have breakfast and she is up over 2 hours before she leaves for work. WOW i have always wished to be a morning person but not enough to force myself to get up and therefore I'm just not one.

So back to procrastination. I can honestly say I have not procrastinated up until this point on this speech but now I'm starting to think and I'm overwhelmed and its just not fun like it should be. I did just agree on the topic and that is a starting point. In a way I work good under pressure but this is a little ridiculous. The topic/title is "Do what you love and the money will follow". I am working on Get To The Point. This speech will be (hopefully) inspirational. I am going to talk about authors that have inspired me and how I strive to have more creative time. I really believe that if you do things you love, and open yourself to the possibilities, you can find a way to make money doing what you love. I haven't completely figured it out. I have to admit that I do love many parts of my current job and feel good about my contribution. I do have the opportunity to be creative some times. I also think that doing other creative things on the side is good because sometimes if you become dependant on making money at the creative things you like it can ruin it for you so there has to be a balance.

My brother is an artist and I'm very thankful that he has a 9-5 job and he seems to like his J-O-B and learns a lot but its not his passion for art, performance or music. Its a way to be safe and maintain your family finances, and I think there are opportunities to make some extra money doing the side passions. I am working hard to keep my job and learn as much as I can and I admit I have not made much time for creativity. The Toastmaster's adventure itself is an avenue I'm on to learn and try something new that could contribute to me doing what I love. I want to get more art into it and something about springtime really does make me what to spread my wings a little. I am going to work hard to manage my stress better and make more time for the creative expressions I need. So even typing this now has turned from procrastination into me thinking through some of my speech. Now off to type the real thing.